‘Who am I without adapting?’: Lisa Ray gets candid on midlife, identity, cancer and finding herself

On how connected she feels to Kolkata, Lisa said, "It's the site of so many childhood sacred memories for me. I grew up as an only child. My father's Bengali. Our ancestral home is in Shyambazar. My mother's Polish. So Kolkata represents a beautiful safe childhood zone for me. Kolkata is where I managed to meet my cousins and I felt like I belonged here."

Positioning midlife not as a crisis but as a powerful new phase of life, Lisa offered a candid perspective on growing older with confidence, clarity and authenticity. The conversation explored the shift from constantly asking, “What is expected of me?” to asking, “What do I want for myself?” — a question that became a recurring thread throughout the session.

"I think, I was already in my midlife when for the first time I started realising, adaptability is good as long as I don't lose myself. But let me see who I am when I'm not adapting? And as a woman, honestly, I really advise every woman to start thinking about that. Who am I without adapting to my family, my husband, my circumstances, my community? Because we have an identity that is absolutely independent of all of that," she added.

With characteristic candour, Lisa encourages women to examine where adaptation ends and self-erasure begins, asking them to consider who they are when they are no longer constantly adapting themselves to their families, relationships, circumstances or society.

Lisa, on her struggling period in Mumbai, added, "Nobody in my family had ever had any connection with the big bad world of entertainment. It was 1991. Maybe today, the industry is a lot more professional, and young girls who aspire to be part of it, can get a legitimate career if you work really hard.

"In those days, it was a very different world. I became a model by accident. There were circumstances in my life that led me to moving to Bombay at 16, alone, on my own, in a city where I didn't know anybody except the person who I was modeling for."

A particularly poignant part of the conversation centred on Lisa's experience with cancer and recovery.

She described the diagnosis as a profound turning point that compelled her to listen to the signals her body had been sending her.

Her reflections highlighted the importance of recognising fatigue, stress and other physical and emotional signals rather than continually overriding them while navigating professional and personal responsibilities.

(Reporting by Aaheli Chakraborty, Photos by Avishek Mitra/IBNS)