My Diary: What I Learnt in My First Year of Marriage
Time flies so fast. It still feels like yesterday when I got married to Atul. On 04th October, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. For a girl like me who never liked the idea of marriage, the journey was like a fairy tale. I had a 36-point checklist for my future husband, which included everything from wanting a vegetarian guy with over 6-feet height, tothe trait of being a travel-junkie and so on and so forth. Today, I think I’ve won a lottery as I got much more than what I hoped for. Atul is a caring person who everyday continues to amaze me with his selfless love.
Marriage is not a destination, but a journey itself and in this one year of my wedding, I have learnt many interesting things— some good and some not good but definitely not bad!
My conversations change from ‘me’ to ‘we.’
Whether it is about buying a new electronic appliance, making a new investment or taking up a new job assignment, suddenly, I start thinking about my home and husband before bringing any change into my life. Now, words like ‘me and I’ have changed for‘we and us’!
If things happen as per your plan, it’s good, but if they don’t, they are wonderful
One weekend, I reached home early to cook my husband’s favourite dishes. Unfortunately, my husband was stuck in the traffic. As his mobile phone was switched off, I started praying for his safety and giving ‘bribes’ to God. “Please send my husband safely; I would come to your temple and donate Rs 2,000.”
Thankfully, God listened, and my husband arrived safely, but when he told me that his phone’s battery had died because he was playing Candy Crush, I wanted to pull out his hair. Soon, I realised that there was no point in arguing or fussing over the lost time. I reheated the food in the microwave and we sat together to enjoy it. Though, we got little time, it was amazing.
On that day, I learnt that it is the quality of time and not quantity, which matters!
Communication is the key
Though we all dream to have a partner, who understands our silence, it is essential to ‘give’ voice to your feelings. If I need Atul to pamper me, I have to tell him. Similarly, if he wants me to do something, he has to communicate and sometimes reminds me a few times. We explicitly express our feelings instead of playing the guessing game.
Love is eternal
All the things in the world won’t keep your wedding strong if it lacks love, which conquers all odds and invites deeper purpose. In the end, love is the anchor of your married life.
So, while there are numerous gestures to confess your love, what makes it eternal is when your partner can feel it even in your absence. While we both promise to support each other through thick and thin, we also purchased term insurance plans as a double security. The plan would ensure that in case anything unfortunate happens to any of us, the other partner can continue leading a financially secured life.
We have a term insurance plan which covers critical ailments as well. It means, if God forbid, if I am diagnosed withcritical diseases like cancer, my term insurance policy would make a payout which we can use for treatment and other expenses, including household.
At first, I found Atul’s idea of buying term insurance an unromantic gesture and even got angry on him for thinking about sad events like death, ailments, etc.; within a few days of marriage. However, when he told me the reason behind it—to give the financial security to the other partner—I thought it to be the most romantic gesture towards your better-half.
A term insurance is an assurance which we both have given to each other— “I will be there for you in both good and bad times”.
Along with the term insurance, we bought a family health insurance policy as well to get coverage against medical expenses. Atul goes one step ahead and gets me covered under his corporate family health insurance.
Proximity doesn’t mean presence
Reaching home early from work, planning a candlelight dinner and taking an exotic vacation,all these aregood things, but what makes them the best is when you are ‘emotionally’ present and not just physically. Being more concerned towards hearing your partner’s heart than staring at your phone is what I meant here.
50/50 expectations lead to 100% disappointment
Most of the people view the wedding as a game. If I do 30 things, you should also match the number. But the real work is done when one of you can’t match the other. The ratio can be 90:10 when your partner is depressed, sick or stressed. Here, it’s up to the other to go the extra mile. Marriage is not a game and so stop quantifying your gestures. Losing is winning here!
My journey from ‘Unmarried’ to a ‘Happily Married’ Girl
After a year of my marriage, I feel I have grown up to accept that nobody is perfect, including us. The real test of marriage lies in nurturing the desire to live with the same person after every fight. Marriage is a journey worth taking, and it will surely change your life for good!